In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Be still, my beating vagina.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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