1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
