I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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