I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I love having hate sex.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
