At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
