so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
