My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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