oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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