She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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