Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
