toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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