I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
your room smells of hookers.
And success
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
