life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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