Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
