she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
