I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
