Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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