i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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