one two three fourrrrnication!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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