it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
