I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
