I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
