I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
