I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My feet surprised me
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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