so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
