Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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