***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
And then the night went full on bisexual.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
