My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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