I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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