Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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