kristin has been a bad kristin
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
