Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My life is pants optional.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
