Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
