Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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