so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
