forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
