everyone is single if you try hard enough
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
