Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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