Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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