dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
