She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
