He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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