Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
