you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
