Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
