you traded sex for a burrito?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
