Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
