Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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