Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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