My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
jump out the window naked night went bad
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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