why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
