....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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