I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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