Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
